Moms Are Always Angry… Or Are We?
I read a Facebook post last week that started out “Can we talk about the fact that moms get overstimulated and it’s mistaken for anger?”
I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more seen than when I read that simple sentence. Seriously.
My husband and kids were visiting Grandma last weekend and I was home alone for a glorious 3 days. It was quiet. No one was tugging at my clothes, begging for attention. No one was talking over me, not letting me finish my sentences. The TV was at a civilized volume level. The doorbell wasn’t ringing every 16 minutes (once all the neighbor kids knew mine weren’t home). I didn’t hear the word “mom” uttered 26 times in 30 seconds. There was no crying and bickering to interrupt my morning coffee - AND I got to drink it hot.
Within 20 minutes of them coming home on Sunday night - I felt overstimulated. Everyone wanted my attention. Everyone was crowding my physical space. The mess of stuff that was brought home filled the countertops, the floor, and every surface I had so carefully organized and cleaned over the weekend. Everyone was talking over one another and needing dinner, and needing help finding their things, and getting the dog all riled up, and, and, and… I felt myself headed for meltdown in 10, 9, 8, 7…
And then I remembered that post I saw last week. I’m not angry. I’m not even frustrated. I’m overjoyed that my family is back together and the kids missed me and can’t wait to share their stories… I’m just overstimulated.
Ahhh… As soon as I reminded myself of this, I set to work giving them each a job - in separate rooms (Ha!). At the dinner table I asked specific questions to each person, one at a time, and asked that they be allowed to answer for themselves. As they went to their own tasks, I followed one at a time and gave hugs, snuggles, and enjoyed one-on-one conversations. I went to work, slowly and methodically putting stuff away to easy the clutter and mess. And slowly… slowly… We eased toward bedtime with no Mommy meltdowns.
It worked! Anger doesn’t even have a chance to rear it’s ugly head if I take a pause and realize what I’m actually feeling. Instead, I go to work easing the chaos. It also made me realize that my son, who has some issues with anxiety, would do well to learn this, too. Simply stepping back and simplifying what’s happening around us could really help that “out of control” feeling.
Motherhood is exhausting. Someone always needs you. We’re always thinking ten steps ahead trying to make sure all needs are met and everyone is safe, healthy, and happy. It seems like we never get a break. But try something for me:
The next time you feel the anger rising (and it will)… Look around. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Frustrated? Overstimulated?
What’s one thing you could in that moment to ease up a bit?
Wouldn’t it be nice if our families could just give us a little space - instead of assuming we’re angry? It’s completely possible - we just need to teach them how. And who knows? Maybe they’ll handle their own overwhelm better, too!
Sending you peace in the midst of it all, my friends!
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